It’s Not Your Fault: Why It’s Hard for Adults with Immigrant Parents to Take Up Space
Why It’s So Hard for Adults with Immigrant Parents to Take Up Space
Do you know how to take up space?
As adults with immigrant parents, there’s a lot that may have made it extra difficult for you to take up space.
It may be an extra challenge to speak up, to stand your ground, and maybe to even feel like you deserve to be in the room?
Today, I want to talk about why it can be especially hard for adults with immigrant parents to take up space — emotionally, mentally, physically — and what’s really underneath that struggle. Because when you understand the "why," it gets a little easier to start doing something about it.
What Taking Up Space Really Means
When I talk about "taking up space," I’m talking about it in all forms — standing up for yourself, saying what you really think, expressing what you need, and just being fully you around other people.
It's not always about being the loudest in the room. It’s about even just being in the room, dreaming of the room, and taking steps to create that dream.
Why It’s So Hard for Adults with Immigrant Parents
There are a few reasons this can feel extra complicated if you grew up with immigrant parents:
1. Cultural Expectations
In a lot of cultures, especially in many Asian cultures (though not exclusively), there’s this strong expectation around respecting elders. And that respect often looks like not speaking up, not challenging authority, not offering your opinion unless it’s asked for.
Growing up, you might have learned early on: it’s better to stay quiet. Better not to rock the boat. And over time, that becomes a habit — one you don’t even realize is shaping how you move through the world.
2. Language Barriers
Even if you and your parents speak the same language mostly, there's often a gap — whether it’s nuances, slang, emotional vocabulary, or even just confidence in expressing certain things.
When it feels hard to communicate clearly with the people closest to you, it can feel even harder to advocate for yourself anywhere else.
3. Lack of Representation
Growing up, a lot of us didn’t see ourselves represented — not in the media, not in books, not in leadership roles. And when you don’t see people who look like you or share your experiences out there taking up space, it sends a quiet message: maybe there’s no room for you.
Even though representation is getting better today, those early messages stick.
4. Survival Mode
For many immigrant families, the focus was on survival — getting through, making it work, building a life from scratch. That survival mindset can trickle down in ways we don’t always realize.
When your parents or family were busy trying to make sure the basics were covered — food, safety, housing — there wasn’t always space for “extras” like self-expression, advocacy, or emotional vulnerability. And if the foundation isn’t secure, it’s hard to climb the ladder toward self-actualization, where things like taking up space start to matter.
5. Fear of Conflict or Rejection
Maybe you’ve asked yourself: What will happen if I actually say what I think? What if I take up more room than people are comfortable with? Fear of judgment, rejection, or even backlash can keep a lot of us playing small — not because we want to, but because it feels safer that way.
The Question to Ask Yourself
If any of this resonates, here’s something to think about:
What am I fearful of when I do take up space?
When you share your needs, your ideas, your feelings — what’s the worry that comes up? Is it about disappointing someone? Being misunderstood? Losing connection?
Noticing what holds you back is the first step toward changing it.
Did this resonate with you?
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