How to Protect Your Energy When You’re Always the One Helping (The Repay Cycle™ Part 3)

Have you ever felt so burnt out from helping others?

Maybe it’s helping your immigrant parents (who you WANT to help) but you’re feeling so burnt out that the only way to get relief seems like cutting ties completely?

If that resonates, I want you to know:

You're not alone. And, more importantly, you’re not out of options.

This is part 3 of The Repay Cycle™ series, where we talk about tools and insights to help you care for your loved ones without burning yourself out.

The goal? To help you find freedom and calm—without losing your connection to your family or your sense of self.

A Simple Tool for Understanding Burnout

Let’s start with a visual I love to use with my clients.

Imagine your energy like a cup. Every task, interaction, and responsibility pours water into it.

Your day might start with a nearly empty cup, but as soon as you go to work, it's already half full. Add a request from your boss, a phone call from a parent who needs help deciphering a medical letter, and suddenly your cup is full—or even overflowing.

And when it’s overflowing? That’s burnout. That’s exhaustion. That’s the snapping point.

We often try to just “push through,” but the truth is, if you’re not actively pouring out some of that water—by caring for yourself—you’re going to spill over.

So instead of waiting until you're at a 10 out of 10 on the stress scale, I invite you to check in regularly:

• How full is your cup right now?

• Where are you on a 1–10 scale, with 10 being completely depleted?

And if you're creeping past a 5, it’s time to take a step back and pour some water out.

Why Knowing Your Values Helps You Set Better Boundaries

In part 2 of The Repay Cycle™, we talked about the importance of identifying your values. This matters because when you’re clear on what really matters to you, you can start aligning your actions accordingly.

For example, if you deeply value being helpful and supporting your family, that’s beautiful. But if fixing your mom’s TV for the fifth time isn’t urgent, you get to decide whether or not it’s worth the energy right now. Maybe her watching TV isn’t as important as you getting some rest or spending time on your own well-being.

When we’re unclear about what’s truly urgent versus what’s just a habit or expectation, everything feels like a fire drill. That’s when resentment and burnout creep in.

Choose What to Prioritize—Not Everything Is an Emergency

One powerful shift you can make is asking yourself:

• Is this urgent?

• Does it need to be done right now?

• Does it align with one of my core values?

If not, can it wait? Can someone else help? Can you do it in a way that fits your schedule and energy levels?

This isn’t about avoiding your responsibilities. It’s about reclaiming agency over your time, your energy, and your emotional bandwidth—so that when you do show up, you can do so from a grounded, empowered place.

Small Actions That Help You Reset

Taking care of yourself doesn’t always mean big, dramatic changes. It can be small, doable actions like:

• Taking a short walk before going to your parents’ house

• Grabbing a boba/drink/food on the way to helping or seeing your parents (and maybe one for them too)

• Listening to music in the car and singing your heart out on the way

• Calling a friend to vent and connect before or after (maybe even during)

• Setting a “no” boundary knowing all the reasons why you stated what you stated.

These tiny actions help you lower the intensity of your emotions, avoid overwhelm, and show up as your best self—without sacrificing everything for others.

Don’t Forget

As adults with immigrant parents, many of us will continue to give, help, and support our families. That’s part of our culture, our values, and our love. But it doesn’t mean you have to lose yourself in the process.

Start by checking how full your cup is. Get clear on your values. Reevaluate urgency. Pour some water out when you need to. And don’t forget—your well-being matters too.

If this resonated with you, check out the rest of The Repay Cycle™ series if you hadn’t already (linked below):

• Why It’s So Hard to Say “No” as an Adult with Immigrant Parents (Part 1 of The Repay Cycle™)

• Ever Feel Guilty No Matter What You Do? This Might Be Why (Part 2 of The Repay Cycle™)

• The Repay Cycle™ Info Sheet

• The Repay Cycle™ Values Worksheet

And if you’re ready for deeper support:

You can explore 1:1 coaching or my Unshaken Confidence program to help you set boundaries, reduce guilt, and feel more in control of your life.

• Get on the waitlist for Unshaken Confidence here

• Work with me 1:1 here