You Always Have a Choice—Even on Hard Days
You Always Have a Choice: How to Reclaim Your Power in Everyday Moments
Ever find yourself stuck doing something you really don’t want to do? Maybe for yourself or for your loved ones? Then do you find yourself spiraling into frustration or resentment about it?
If so, I’ve definitely been there, too.
As adults with immigrant parents you’re list of to do’s also include things to do for your parents, your family that adds to ALL the others things you need to do already.
And showing up feeling : present, happy and calm may not always be as easy to do because there’s only so many hours in a day and you have things you want to do too.
Today, I want to offer you something that changed how I move through those moments and hope that it helps you too.
You always have a choice.
Not always in what options are available to you—but always in how you show up, how you talk to yourself, and how you want to feel while doing the thing you didn’t ask for.
Recently, I had to take care of some paperwork with the EDD (you know, Employment Development Department - I never remember the exact acronym…). But anyway because I’m self-employed and preparing for maternity leave, I needed to get my disability coverage in order. The accounts I created online weren’t working, so I had to physically go into the office as the only option left.
Not exactly my idea of a fun morning.
But here’s the shift: I made a choice.
I chose a day where I had a big gap in my schedule. I gave myself space. I packed snacks, water, coffee, my laptop, and my journal. I told myself: “If I’m going to spend time waiting, I’m going to make it enjoyable.”
The drive was long—30 to 40 minutes—but the weather was beautiful. I played podcasts, then music. I took in the scenery. It wasn’t just about getting through the errand; it was about how I wanted to feel while doing it.
Thought Work + Preparation = Empowerment
These are the exact shifts I help my clients with inside Unshaken Confidence—learning how to reframe their thinking, even in the mundane or frustrating parts of life. That’s not toxic positivity. That’s intentional thought work.
Because if I had told myself, “Ugh, this is going to suck,” guess what?
It would’ve sucked.
Instead, I sat outside in the breeze and made the wait work for me. I journaled. I rested. I even set a boundary with myself: “If I haven’t heard anything by [this time], I’m going to check in.”
That way I didn’t spend all my time checking the clock, but I had a deadline of when I wanted to check in. That freed up my mental space SO MUCH.
Practical + emotional prep = power.
And once it was done? I drove to a nearby temple just because I felt like it. I picked up some food. Got myself a boba. Not because I “earned” it—but because I wanted to. Because I could.
And I knew that would make my drive back feel so much better than if I didn’t. I wanted to take care of myself because I was doing something I didn’t particularly want to do.
And that’s something you can be mindful and intentional of as well.
When You Want To, Treat Yourself
That’s another important reminder:
You don’t always need a “reason” to take care of yourself.
If it feels good and it’s within your budget and energy, do it.
This small moment—a morning errand—could have felt heavy. But instead, it felt nourishing.
That’s what your thoughts can do.
That’s what your choices can create.
Ask Yourself These 3 Things:
When you’re in a situation you didn’t plan, or one you’re not looking forward to, try pausing and asking:
What is the thought I’m thinking right now that’s leading me to feel this way?
Is that how I want to think about it?
What else could I choose to think, that would help me show up in a way that feels better or more aligned?
Sometimes the only thing we can change is our internal experience.
And honestly? That’s a powerful place to start.
You’re Still in Control (Even When You’re Not)
Whether it’s taking your parent to a doctor’s appointment, running an unexpected errand, or being thrown off your routine—you still have power.
You can…
Bring a snack so you don’t get hangry
Download that podcast you’ve been meaning to catch up on
Make a list of things you can do in the area afterward that refuel you
You always have a choice in how you care for yourself.
Even when things feel out of your hands.
So the next time you're faced with something frustrating, ask yourself:
“What’s one small choice I can make right now that would help me feel better in this moment?”
Let that be your starting point.
And if you try this? DM me on Instagram (@heyallisonly). I’d love to hear how it goes.
If you’re ready to dive deeper into this work, or want more support you can:
Work with me for some 1:1 Coaching to expedite your progress
Get on the waitlist for Unshaken Confidence - my course where we cover everything from taking up space to setting boundaries, communicating clearly, and caring for your family in a way that doesn’t cost you your peace.
Join my email community for adults with immigrant parents!
Here you’ll get tangible, actionable tips and tools, and relatable stories to start to advocate even more for yourself, set healthy boundaries, and feel empowered in every part of your life WHILE taking care of your immigrant parents.
